One thing that gets me down sometimes is that I still haven’t figured out how to be my true self around anyone other than my closest family and friends. Even people I grew up with, or worked with, only know (let alone would accept) a very narrow slice of my day-to-day real life. In effect, I have multiple identities. Under cover. Never reveal too much. Not sticking my neck out.
I so envy those who can just be themselves, no apologies whatsoever, and without any negative ramifications for thinking and living the way they want to. That’s the way I hope to be someday, especially once I figure out exactly who I am, why I’m here and what I should be doing.
On the flipside, there are a bunch of things I absolutely DON’T want to do anymore. I don’t want to play games (I’m not talking video games). I don’t want to sell my precious time for anything I don’t believe in. I don’t want to worry about money ever again. I don’t want to buy any more stuff (What do I need? I’ve Got Everything)!!
I’m not into money, power, celebrity, materialism, keeping up with The Jones’s. Which means I can’t relate to just about everything about pop culture today—what most people watch on TV, their taste in music, their politics, bald heads and beards, excessively ugly tattoos, pickup trucks for no damned good reason…
I come down pretty much the OPPOSITE of what most people (Americans, at least) seem to value. Makes me feel like an alien sometimes. Like I don’t belong. I don’t believe. See through everything and seen it all before. Often feel alone. Just keeping a low profile.