I have been waiting for so long. And guess what? I’m STILL waiting…
It could be I expect too much of others. It’s possible I’m having trouble focusing on my own tasks at-hand and am subconsciously seeking diversions—you know, avoidance behavior of one kind or another. Maybe I’m too impatient with the pace of life in my post-happening years and just need to learn to chill out. I don’t know.
Whatever the case happens to be, I seem to spend way too much of my time waiting around.
I diligently arrive a couple of minutes early for my appointments, and wait. I send a text and wait half a day for a response. I spend five minutes navigating through an automated phone tree, then forced to listen to the crappiest music loops ever created, and… I wait. I submit an invoice and wait. I apply for a job and wait. I wait, you wait. We wait. And wait. What’s going on these days? Doesn’t anyone remember The Golden Rule??
Waiting brings out the worst in me. When I send a text and don’t hear back in, say, five minutes- I start to wonder. Did I say something wrong? Did I piss my friend off? After about an hour, I begin to really worry. Is everything okay? Was there a horrible accident?? My mind goes off in really dark directions.
Did you even receive my message at all? Did my email end up in your SPAM folder? Should I try to contact you again some other way? Or would that taken as pushy? How long should I wait?? (God, I hate waiting!!)
And as I write this, I STILL haven’t gotten an answer!
You should know that I take pride in responding quickly whenever YOU email, text, or leave me a voicemail. In my mind, I believe it shows that I’m considerate, courteous, respectful of you… in other words, THAT I GIVE A DAMN. Why shouldn’t I be able to expect the same from you?
What am I supposed to make of your radio silence? That I’m not important enough in your book to deserve a reasonably timely response? That you’re way too busy doing something far more important than maintaining a relationship with me? That you DON’T give a damn?
After a while of wondering and worrying, I start to get mad. I can’t ignore feeling dissed. I have a hard time concentrating on my business when my world seems so out of whack (because of YOU). Worse yet, some days, there are two or even three of you out there I’m simultaneously waiting to hear back from. Seriously folks?? At that point, I start feeling depressed and fantasize about going off the grid, rejecting humanity, saying BYE BYE! for good.
Working at home, all by myself all day long as I do, this kind of negative feedback loop can really get me down. Sometimes, it feels like I’m literally invisible. Nobody knows I even exist. I’m in my own little isolated corner of this vast world. Everybody else is at a breakneck pace busy doing important things, and here I am, like a Who in Whoville, shouting, “I am here, I am here, I AM HERE!” But you’re too big and bad to even notice. Or care!
And all this is magnified 1000x when the people I actually LOVE are also apparently too busy to get back to me in a timely fashion: i.e., my closest friends or family, or even my wife and kids, for god’s sake. THEN I REALLY feel like a worthless, needy, fucked up schmuck.
Hey, I realize that everyone is just too busy these days (blame it on the culture, overcommitment, a crappy job), but when even MY FAVORITE PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD can’t get back to me within a couple of hours…? I mean, you’re killing me!!
And when they finally do get back, sincerely sorry and all apologetic; and with a REALLY GOOD REASON for the delay- then I feel like the biggest ass of all time. And now I’m a TOTAL wreck. No exaggeration.
Yeah. Bet you had no idea about all this, did you? See the kind of chaos you cause by not getting back to people in a timely way? Well… I thought you ought to know. So please don’t let it happen again, okay?
Someday, this will seem absurd…
(from Someday by The Days on Earth)